Thom Yorke...Ain't Got Nuthin' On Me!

When I was tiny, I crawled through a green field, barefoot, and became infected with a parasite no bigger than a baby gnat, which landed in my right eye and died. I shit you not. The micro-corpse left a scar, a kind of ocular fossil, which to this day induces a lazy eye syndrome when I am tired, drunk, wwaaaasted, really happy, or gazing slightly to the right. Thus, I not only have a mullet in my senior yearbook picture, but I'm also cross-eyed. This is how at least six people will remember me...always.