So I was at the gas station today buying a lotto ticket, and couldn't help but notice this rather bodacious woman, curvy, cute, with her little daughter in line in front of me. As she turned to leave we made quick eye contact and I was immediately hypnotized. Ever seen someone on acid or cocaine? Their eyers are like THIS BIG and blinks are infrequent if noticeable at all. This chick looked like that. Every time I looked into her BIG BLACK EYES a wave of horror and perverse fascination rushed through me as all I could do was just stare hard right back at her! I had to struggle to rip my gaze away to find the more welcoming countenance of Mohammad, my attendant homeboy who worked the counter.

I considered it a moment and decided the chick had just received a botox treatment since her lips were pursed and fishlike, there wasn't a wrinkle in sight and the expression remained petrified for the minute or so we shared proximity. On the way to my car we locked eyes again, and I swear for a few seconds I felt my vital essence being sucked from my body. What the fuck?